"Your children are so cute," said the girl behind the cashier counter as I reached the counter with Bradley and Cameron. Bradley was a seven years old boy with blond curly hair while Cameron, a two years old girl with black curly hair. "Thank you," I replied. The cashier girl was looking at both of the children. "The baby girl looks more like you," she continued as I put my grocery items on the counter. "Do they have the same father?" the young girl added. I raised my eyebrows in disbelief, but I ain't making any scene. Calmly, I responded, "They have the same father, dear." I realized Bradley was looking at me with a blank look, maybe thinking over about what the girl had said. I hoped he didn't have the wrong idea.
"He has your curly hair though," the cashier girl said. She was looking at Bradley as he diligently put all items from our grocery cart to the counter. I just smiled. The cashier girl smiled back at me as she scanned each items - her smile was sweet and genuine. She didn't know our story, she didn't have to know.
After she had done scanning all our grocery items and I paid the amount, I said thank you to her and walked out from the market with my kids.
We walked to the car park together. Cameron sat comfortably on the cart while Bradley walked besides the cart. Bradley was checking on one of the paper bags. "Can I eat the ice cream in the car?" he asked. He looked up at me with his eyes twitching because of the sunlight. "Sure,dear. But promise me that you won't spill it on the car. Alright?" I made a deal. "Alright," he replied, looking forward.
After loading all our paper bags of groceries into the car and I placed Cameron on the baby's car chair safely, I drove us back home.
***
Peter was already at home when the children and I got home. He went out to help us out with the paper bags. Bradley went up into his room after we have done sorting out the groceries. I put Cameron on the high chair. Peter stayed with me in the kitchen to arrange all the items into the cabinets. As I was putting the flours into the upper cabinet, I realized a pair of brown eyes looking at me intensely. I turned and clearly, Peter was looking at me with a worried expression.
"What's wrong, babe?" I asked, closing the cabinet's doors. I gently rubbed his arm,maybe unconsciously hoping to make him feel better. He moved closer to me, his hand reached my cheek. Gently, he caressed my face like he always does. He smiled at me.
"I was the one who should be asking that, you know," he said. Before I could say anything, he added, "I know something is troubling you. Honey, I know that look on your face when something is on your mind."
Ah, this man. The man whom I married three years ago. The man that I had fall in love with since I met him a year before our marriage. He knew me well that he completes me. My one true partner in life.
I looked away from him to Cameron briefly before I turned back to him. I wished I had the bravery to speak out loud while looking right to his eyes. Unfortunately, I didn't. I looked down as I slowly opened my mouth to tell him. My lips were stammering. My heart felt a growing ache.
"It happened again," I started. "People looked at me outside with these kids, asking me if they're my kids. When I said yes, they'll ask again if they have the same father. Just..just because they don't look alike and..and..Bradley has no resemblance to me," I explained. I couldn't stop the tears coming out and Peter quickly hugged me to calm me down. Cameron was minding her own business with her toys, she was too small to understand anything.
"I love them both. I love Bradley as much as I love Cameron as my own child. There is no difference between them," I said between sobs. Peter rubbed my back and kissed my forehead several times. "I know, honey. I know," he whispered.
"I could never take the place of Bradley's real mother. But I will keep my promise to take care of him as my own," I didn't even know why I kept talking between sobs. I just felt like pouring all the inside out. I guessed Peter knew about it so he didn't stopped me.
Truth is, Peter was married before he met me. Bradley was his son from his first marriage. Peter's first wife passed away when Bradley was 4 years old. Another truth is, Bradley never called me 'mommy', 'mom' or even 'mama'. I,myself nor Peter never forced him to, because we both knew that he might still remember his real mother and miss her so much.
"I...I...I can't never replaced his real mother. Even so, I still...love him as much as I love Cameron. My heart aches every time people pointed out to me that he doesn't look like my child. I know he's not, but I still love him. He is still your son, Peter," the aching in my heart was deepen that I stammered as I speak. Peter pushed me gently and wiped the tears from my eyes. "I know that. I'm sure Bradley knows it well too," he assured. Again, he kissed my forehead to calm me down. I sobbed.
There was moment of silence except for my sobbing and Cameron's innocent playing voice.
"Mom, please don't cry."
I raised my eyes and looked up to Peter. He looked as surprised as I did. My heart was pounding. Is it what I thought it is? Was I hallucinating? Is it a dream or an illusion?
I turned to the kitchen's doorway and I saw Bradley standing there. Peter turned to him too. Slowly he walked towards us.
"Mom, please don't cry," he said again. "I know that you love me as much as you love Cameron. And I love you too," he added. He came closer to me. As he stood right in front of me, he looked up at me. There were tears in his eyes too but he was smiling genuinely.
"You are not a replacement for Mama. Mama is Mama. And you are Mom. Mom for me and Cameron."
Such words from a seven years old, I couldn't not hold myself any longer. I reached out my hands and hugged me tightly. Dear God, this is the day when I felt the love of family.
Peter went to carry Cameron from her high chair and walked back to me and Bradley. He together with little Cameron joined our hug. After a good one minute of family hug, everyone let go. Peter stood between me and Bradley while still carrying Cameron. Cameron was waving her hands happily when suddenly she spoke out her first word, "Mama."
~R'deAnne (Dec. 15th 2013)
